a merry-go-round

Lately, I feel like life is a merry-go-round:

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It's like a ride or game that just goes around and around and around and around and around and around and you get the point. It's all the same ol' same ol', nothing new under the sun. It's the ride you got on as a kid that your friends would spin so fast you felt like you were going to throw up. It's like I'm spinning or "moving" and yet I'm going nowhere at all. My life is the same that it was 1 year ago and 3 years ago, for that matter, plus or minus a couple things. Life goes through seasons and I get that...I get that life can't be mountain tops and rainbows all the time but this rut I'm in is a little bore some.

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I'm reminded of a song by The Eli Young Band called Guienevere. The chorus starts: For as much as she stumbled, she's running...For as much as she runs, she's still here...

After all I've been through, I'm still right here...it's like (yes, dramatic...but it's my blog so I guess I'm allowed to be a bit dramatic at times lol) : 

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You ever get tired of fighting the same thing or the same person over and over again? You ever get tired of friends turning on you? You ever get tired of watching other people's life unfold while you're is still in the tending stage? Because that's where I'm at.

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I'm learning to be content with the little that I have instead of the great things that I want or feel called to have. I'm learning to be patient and trust that God has a story all written out just for me. I'm learning that friends will come and go, even the ones I thought would never leave. I'm learning that my life will continue without them just like it was before them. I am learning that God gave me ready-made friends in my sisters and cousins for a reason.

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I am learning that God is orchestrating wise people and trustworthy friends and a godly man into my life as he sees fits. I'm learning that my life isn't like others...it's not moving at the pace of others or to the beat of their drums because God has something different for me. 

He's calling me to be set apart and different. And while, I don't yet know everything that he has for me...I have ideas, hints, dreams and hopes. I might not know exactly where he'll lead me but I know it'll be radically different from those around me.

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Different because I am learning that if I can be faithful through my mundane, merry-go-round season of life that eventually He will call the ride to a stop. He'll beckon me to come and He'll blow my mind with the perfect things that He'll have designed just for me; where there will be Boom Bands playing and where I'll move mountains ;)

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So until that day, patiently I'll wait....

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More like you, Jesus

There are times when I wish that the right thing to do was to treat people just how they’ve treated you. Everyone (or maybe this is just me) has wanted to get revenge on someone or run them through the mud for the time that they hurt you or ran you through the mud. I can even admit that sometimes, I’m struck by how amazing that must feel…even if only for a short while before the conviction were to set in…to know that you took action, that you told them off or got them back, that you said “in your face…your breath stinks and your momma dresses you funny”. And as lame as a comeback that is, it wouldn’t matter…because at least you had a comeback, right?

And then just as quickly as I think of that sweet sweet revenge, my thoughts jump to an image of my perfect savior hanging on a cross. He was crucified for sins that he didn’t even commit and the words out of his mouth were still, “Father, forgive them…”  I’m reminded of how he was beaten and abused, humiliated for all to see to pay the penalty for my sins. I’ve prayed many times for God to make me more like him…in my head, that’s code for “Lord, make me strong and powerful in your name. Help me change my little piece of the world and led many people to you.” and yet, what better example of Christ is there than to be silent when reviled against? How more can I be like my Jesus than when I pray forgiveness and blessings into a person’s life when they’ve spread lies and crucified me to others? And when I’m hanging on the proverbial tree, beaten and abused, humiliated for all to see, with a heart of LOVE for the people that put me there; then I have never been more like Jesus and then I have never been a more powerful witness for Christ.

So, Lord, instead of removing the circumstances and situations that I may find myself in and even put myself in, at times…instead of taking all the hurtful and ugly people out of my life…instead of me seeking revenge on said people on my own terms, help me to love them with a perfect and unfailing love. Let me use these times as ways to become more like you and less like me. When people rise up against me, let the words from my mouth be, “Father, forgive them just like you forgave me”. In Jesus name.

Sunday Scripture Time - 1 Corinthians 13

In thinking about what scripture to use today, one word kept coming back to me: Love. And while there are tons of scriptures about love, this is the one for me. 1 Corinthians 13.

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

I truly believe that LOVE can fix any problem, any situation, any division, any hurt, any jealousy, any anything. And for that reason, I want it to be said of me that I love and that I love deeply. I mean this in so much more than a romantic way, although I, one day, hope to be and stay madly, deeply in love with a man who will become my husband. Now that my disclaimer is out of the way...I believe that with love, we can do anything. Love is able forgive sins (1 Peter 4:8 - love covers a multitude of sins), mend relationships (Proverbs 17:9 - he who covers an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends) and reveal Jesus to the world (John 13:35 - By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another). With love, we could start a revolution. This world is angry and hurting and full of so much hate. They need to see Christians full of God's love for the sinner and for each other!

I read somewhere once (I don't remember, so please don't ask. lol)  that you can substitute Jesus' name for all the times they say love and it still is 100% truthful. Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind...etc etc. And how true is that! Jesus always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus NEVER fails. And if we are to be like Jesus (which we are), I believe that we should also be able to substitute our own name in place for love...It'd go something like this (with your own name, of course lol), Natasha is patient, Natasha is kind. Natasha does not envy. Natasha does not boast, Natasha is not proud...etc etc. Wow! When you look at it that way, you begin to see all the areas that you need to work on. You begin to see that, hey, maybe I'm not loving as well as I think I am!

So I challenge you today to swap LOVE for your name...And then in every instance were it becomes a false statement, pray that God would make you more like him. Take steps to make yourself more patient, kind, humble, trusting, faithful, etc etc. Before you think that I'm trying to bash you and make you feel bad...realize that the beauty in this method is that it doesn't exclude any of us from work because NONE of us are perfect. Yes, maybe you've got kindness down, but you realize that you aren't so patient at times or maybe you're not self-seeking but you're really bad about holding onto past wrongs...

We ALL need to work at being more like Jesus...and since Jesus is love (1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love), love is good place to start!

Together, we'll stay

Picture it: sitting in my car at 1:00 in the morning, talking about our mistakes of the past year or so…sharing deep dark secrets with someone that has their own deep dark secrets, sharing with someone that understands. Not a place where one would normally expect to find hope. But in the darkness, through the tears and the embarrassed giggles, I was overcome with a deep sense of hope.


Hope in my future, in our friendship, in her and in me. It was like someone whispered in my ear...hey, you two have made mistakes in the past and you're both likely to make many more in your lifetime...some that might even be repeats of what you two discussed tonight. But in spite of that, or maybe because of that, you two will have a future, a bright one, a strong one...


It was in this conversation, that I was reminded that every decision going forward doesn't have to be a wrong one for us…that one, two, three or even 3 million mistakes doesn't destine us to a life of failure. But also on the other hand, if for some crazy reason, we decide to make a lot of poor decisions, it won't be the end of the world…because somewhere in this broken mess of our mistakes, we have found each other. and together, we'll stay.

What 2011 taught me...

As the new year begins, I thought I'd share a bit of what I learned during 2011.

- People may pretend to be your friends but they may also have nothing but evil planned for your life. Be careful who you trust and who you allow into your life. You may one day regret it. But also find the genuine people and keep them close.
- Jealousy is a dangerous, ugly disease that will eat away at a person's life and completely destroy everything good in them. Never allow a person's successes or talents to cloud your vision with envy and jealousy...instead allow it to be a motivator for your own life.
- Sometimes you can mess things up so bad that they can't be restored. You can't undo mistakes and you can't force someone to forgive you...BUT, I also learned that if two people were so willing to forgive and move on and mend things, any relationship or friendship can be rebuilt...stronger than before.
- NEVER step on people when they are down...you may need them in the future when you are down and they are up. Instead push the people above you higher and reach down to help those below you up to your level.
- God will fight your battles if you allow him too...He will do a better job vindicating you than you could ever imagine doing on your own.
- You never know what people are facing in their own lives...so don't be so quick to judge. Just because they're smiling doesn't mean they are happy...Be kind to everyone, it might help.
- That boy you first loved...yeah, you'll always love him. It just may never be the right time to tell him or to act on those feelings ever again no matter how much you want to. It was a painful lesson to learn but one that was necessary. Once I began praying for God to work it out if it should be worked out, the load I was carrying got much lighter.
- My family will always be there for me. No matter what. No matter how I behave or the things that I say and do...they will love me and care for me and have my best interests at heart. No matter what path I take, they will back me one hundred percent.
- I can do all the things that people say I can't. God's given me talents and dreams, things that people can't take away from me just because they don't like it...I might take detours along the way but I'll end up exactly where He's wanted me all along.
- Love is everything. Love solves everything. Love is all that you need. Love makes the world go round. If everyone loved and loved honestly, the world would be a much better place. Love is sooo wonderful. Haha gushy and sappy but so so true. Love is powerful.

Well...here's to another year of lessons learned. Happy New Year's!